Trials Blog - Duh! - Trials UK

Trials Blog - Duh!

• 10th September 2010
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Shall we have a quick game of "Spot the Cock"? 

Yep, that's right - it's me. I am officially the cock of the week/month/year. Why? Because for 6 weeks I've been out with a badly broken toe, 9 toe nails; 1 of which was hanging by a thread and the kind of pain that can only be described as 'intense'. Who would have thought that such a small bone could cause so much pain.

Anyhow, the story goes that, after adjusting the suspension on my trials bike, I thought it would be a good idea to have a pootle round the garden (I am blessed with quite a big garden, which has a nice 2' 6" high stone wall at the top of it). Many-a-time I have ridden round the garden before hopping up the wall to put the bike away. Over the months, I've done this simple hop up 60 or 70 times, but on the latest occasion I managed to time it badly and catch my left foot between the upright face of the wall an the bike's foot peg as the foot peg - with the help of an enormous amount of inertia - did a bacon slicer move on my foot. Not too bad, you may think, but like a prize tool, I had nothing on my feet but the flimsiest of trainers.

Needless to say that the pain was excruciating. Moments after impact (just to make it sound a little more exciting) I hesitated before removing my now ripped trainer. There was a damp feeling in my sock so I slowly removed it. It was a mess. The 4th toe on my left foot was mangled and bleeding, the toe nail having been lifted up, the nail on the little toe had vanished completely and was nowhere to be found. I tenderly and gently had a little prod around just to see what the hell I had done to my foot, cursing as I did it. Oooh, that stung.

Walking with one trainer on and one off and walking on one foot and one heel, I pushed the bike round to put it away. Even that hurt.

Why is it that you never have any frigging plasters, bandages or suitable dressings in the house when you most need them? My foot's killing me, my toes are on fire and all I can find is a 1 inch long plaster, some Anusol (it's not mine, honestly) and some miniature packets of Resolve - a wicked morning after remedy if you've never tried it! So I nip round to see Yvonne next door - one trainer on, on one foot and one heel and she nearly faints and physically retches at the site of my mashed tootsie. "That needs an x-ray" she says, "I know" says I. "Can you drive"? she says "I can't even bloody walk" says I. She finds a plaster - this time it's 4 inches long, 3 inches wide and would cover your eyes if you put it up to your face. I hobbled back home, one trainer on, on one foot and one heel and call my missus who picks me up and nips me down to the local hospital.

"Yep, it's broken Mike" the nurse says as she holds up the x-ray of my foot to the light "in fact, it's quite nasty". "Tell me about it", I thought! She then hurriedly told me that there was little she could do, other than bandage it up - which she did very gingerly, but very successfully. NHS nurses are awesome.

So that was me off the bike for a few weeks until I got over the pain from the smallest bone in my body. 3 to 6 weeks, the lovely nurse said. Arrrrggggghhhh. Dammit.

So I'm back on the bike this weekend, hoping to take part in the last of the (awesome) Yeadon ad Guiseley trials. I'll let you know how I go on.

Oh, by the way, I found my lost toe nail in my sock - clinging on for dear life. I did wonder if it would glue back on...